The Important Thing.......

“It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.”

Anthony Robbins

Unspeakable speaks:

It has been a long time since I have written to you. There was so many things taking place in my life at one time, that I chose to set aside writing for a while in order to focus on what I thought was important at the moment. In doing so, I found myself severely behind in writing to you and for that I am sorry. Recently, I found this quote and it reminded me of why I created this blog in the first place. This blog is to be used as inspiration and a source of information for those undergoing the "Cancer experience."


The quote above puts this blog and everything in life into perspective. In so many words, it asks the question, What are you going to focus on, what is important to you, and what are you going to do about them in order to make your life better? As the end of 2009 rapidly approaches, I started placing pressure on myself to get things on my task list done. The thought of having anything left undone was unnerving, so much so that I began to get tired and depressed because of it. This weekend, I decided to take a step back and that's when I found this quote. When I look at 2009 as a whole, I accomplished things that most people never experience. I won a full- fledged battle with Cancer, I rekindled relationships with people that I haven't spoken to in years, I through the power of God have helped people get free of strongholds and curses that would have otherwise overtaken them, I have completed another semester in school, I have watched my prayers come alive. I have accomplished all things this year, because it was Christ Jesus who strengthened me.

I realized just today that to not acknowledge these wonderful accomplishments is to minimize the blessings that God gave me during 2009. What was meant to be accomplished was done. It is now time for me to take what I have learned and focus on the future ahead of me. It is important to have a plan for your life, but it is also equally important for you to live that plan. Don't get so bogged down with deliverables that you miss the process for completing them. It is in the process that you value and appreciate the growth that you have experienced. Missing out on this step, can stifle your creativity, imagination, and passion. It's a delicate balance. Focus on the important thing remembering that some of the components may need to be developed, but it's the will to move forward anyway that drives a person into their purpose.

"Joyefull"........

Unspeakable speaks......

I turned 31 on November 12, 2009. I remember as a child hearing my elder family members say things like, "The Lord saw fit to it that I would see another year," and I never thought much of that statement until now. One year ago, I was on my couch praying that something extraordinary would take place that year, and that whatever it was, God would be glorified. Well look at God, He did it, He truly made my 30th year one for the books! This birthday, I chose to spend my birthday with my Aunt in New Jersey and drink in the wisdom that she alludes. It was cold and overcast outside, quiet and still in the house and peaceful inside me. Any other time, I would have been annoyed by the atmosphere but today I didn't mind it, after all it was just another example of how "not to let the atmosphere around you shape what is inside of you."

I am truly thankful for the time that I have been given and I do not take lightly my obligation to make the most of it. This upcoming year I will make no apologies for "living on purpose" and "moving forward to my highest and best use." I spent a small portion of the day crying...not out of sorrow but joy. I am joyful because of the blessing of healing that God has given to me; joyful for the lessons learned this year, joyful for the faithfulness of my God, and last but not least, joyful for being able to share all of this with you. In 30 years, I have been through more experiences than some people get in a lifetime and it hasn't been easy, but the important thing is that I am still here.....standing. All I can say is thank you God....I am truly "joye full"!!!

Radioactive the finale.....

Unspeakable speaks........

Well everyone, I finally finished my 6 weeks of radiation therapy and I can honestly tell you it was not the walk in the park that it was portrayed to be. Leading into my 5th week, my skin began to rapidly darken and burn off. Imagine having 2nd and 3rd degree burns on your chest, underarm, and back. Yeah exactly, it made sleeping extremely uncomfortable and any form of movement was painful. I suffered from extreme fatigue and there were times that I had to force myself to get up out of bed and run errands to keep from sleeping all day. This was an experience that God willing, I hope not to ever repeat as long as I live.

There are times in our lives where we are placed into situations that God uses to refine and "burn off" the excess baggage and drama that we carry within. I choose to view this experience as one of those times. The reality of the matter is that God is in control of it all and any point in time He can select me to undergo this process all over again (heaven forbid)! But the important thing that I have to keep in perspective, are the values of the lessons learned and the blessings that have unfolded right before my eyes. Would I do it all again you may ask....... as crazy as this may sound. Yes...it was all worth the pain and suffering in order for me to be free of "my private cancers."

Sometimes it takes "the fire of God" applied to our lives in order to be delivered out of situations that we are unable to free ourselves from. I must say something that I pray each of you take extremely seriously.....the attraction to the "cancers" in your past don't just go away. It takes an extreme dependence on the grace of God and discipline to identify and take authority over the "triggers" that lead to your cancer. This experience does not have to be repeated, but it is up to you to make better decisions with your life. Holding grudges, stress, worry, the mismanagement of your talents, fear, and doubt are all things that foster death spiritually and physically. Chose today to make better decisions that promote healing, love, joy, and peace and witness the death of your own radioactive mentality. It is finished.

Healing Scriptures to pray daily.......

If you are waiting for the full manifestation of healing to come into your body or mind, put God in remembrance of His Word, by speaking His Word. Jesus defeated Satan, by "It is written." You can defeat him this way, too.

Here are some healing promises which are legally yours by inheritance as a heir of God and a joint-heir of Jesus Christ. Meditate upon these promises daily. Speak them aloud, putting God in remembrance of His promises....

By Jesus' stripes I am healed. (I Peter 2:24)

It is God's will that I prosper and be in health, just as my soul prospers.
(3 John 2)

The Lord is my healer. (Ex. 15:26)

Jesus cane that I may have life and it more abundantly. (John 10:10)

As I serve the Lord, sickness if taken from my midst. (Ex. 23:25)

He forgives all my sins and heals all of my diseases. (Ps. 103:3)

God sent His Word and healed me. (Ps. 107:20)

I pay attention to God's word, for it is life to my body and health to my flesh. (Prov.4:20-22)

This fulfilled the word of the Lord through Isaiah who said, "He took our sickness and removed our diseases." (Matt. 8:17)

As I submit to God and resist the devil, he must flee from me. Sickness and disease must flee from me. (James 4:7)

Jesus is able and willing to heal me. (Matt. 8:1-2)

Jesus can heal through my believing, receiving, and speaking His Word or through the touch of another believer who is empowered by the Holy Ghost. (Mark 16:18)

Jesus paid for all sin and sickness at Calvary. (Matt. 8:17)

Because the Lord is my refuge and habitation, no evil nor plague shall come nigh my dwelling. (Ps. 91:9-11)

I am redeemed with the blood of Jesus. (I Peter 1:19)

I am justified by faith, not by works of the law. (Gal. 3:13)

Jesus redeemed me from the curse of the law. (Gal. 3:13)

The blessings of Abraham have come upon me. (Deut. 28:1-14)

Jesus legally redeemed me from the bondage of sickness and disease and every other work of the enemy. (Luke 13:10-17)

Jesus bore my griefs (sickness) and carried my sorrows (pains). (Isa. 53:5)

Jesus was wounded, bruised, and beaten for my sins, sicknesses, and diseases. (Is. 53:5)

I discern the Lord's body and receive all that He has provided for me, including healing for my physical body. (I Corn. 11:23-30)

To touch Jesus is to be made whole. I touch Jesus today through prayer and faith. (Mark 5:25-34)

The resurrection power of Jesus Christ flows from my tongue as I speak words of life. (Prov. 18:21)

I have been given authority in the name of Jesus to speak to the mountains that I face. As I command the mountains of sickness, despair, hopelessness, and lack to be removed in Jesus name, they must go and be replaced with the fullness of God's blessings. (Mark 11:22,23)

Because I meditate on the Word of God day and night, God's prosperity and success are overtaking me in all realms of life. (Josh. 1:8)

Because my faith is growing, nothing is impossible unto me. (Matt. 17-20)

Jesus is moved with compassion on my behalf, He wants me healed because of His great love for me. (Matt. 14:14)

Satan cannot dominate or oppress my life, because Jesus came to set me free. (I John 3:8, Acts 10:38)

Just as God's grace was sufficient to cause Paul to overcome all of Satan's buffeting, God's grave causes me to overcome Satan's buffetings. Christ Jesus causes me to triumph in every area of my life. (2 Corin 12:9,10)

I will rise above anything and everything the devil throws at me. Nothing can keep me down, for I am more than more conqueror in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:35-39)

Today I will rise to new life from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept me. (Is. 60:1)

Jesus is the author of abundant life, while it is Satan who steals, kills, and destroys. (John 10:10)

Long life is mine because I obey and honor my parents in the Lord. (Ephs. 6:1-3; Ex. 20:12)

Fear of the Lord, lengthens one's life, but the years of the wicked are cut short. (Prov. 10:27)

A Prayer for Healing of Cancer....Courtesy of My Perfect Stranger.

There are many different kinds of cancer that attack the human body, but cancers in general share certain characteristics. Cancer basically represents a failure of the body's immune system with a weakening in T cells, B cells, and natural killer cells that are designed to recognize and attack abnormally dividing cancer cells.

Cancer tends to create its own system of blood vessels (angiogenesis) to supply the increased amount of blood needed to sustain tumor growth. By understanding some of these processes contributing to cancer growth, we can pray specifically and effectually. On the natural side, God has provided substances from His creation hat both strengthen our immune systems (glutathione, selenium, vitamin E, coenzyme Q10, zinc, B vitamins) and actually kill abnormal cancer calls (catechins from green tea extract, sulforophane from brocolli, lycopene). We should seek God in prayer as to what He would have us to do in the natural as we also seek Him in faith to do the supernatural.

Father,
I thank you that through the name of Jesus, you have given me authority over the works of darkness that would attack my body. I therefore speak to cancer and command it to cease in my body. I speak specifically to my immune system and command the T cells and other components to be activated and to rise up against abnormal cancer cells. I command the cancer's blood supply to wither and die and for the abnormal cancer cell divisions to stop. I ask you, Father, to reveal to me those natural substances you would have me to use to strengthen my immune system. I ask you to also reveal those herbal substances and extracts you would have me to use to kill and overcome cancer cells in my body. As I do what I can and know to do in the natural, I look to you, Father, to touch my body supernaturally, and I thank you that by the stripes of your son, Jesus, I was healed and my manifestation of healing is on the way. In Jesus' name, I thank you for my healing.

Amen. It is done.

A Perfect Stranger......

" I do desire, we be better strangers."

William Shakespeare


Unspeakable Speaks....

We walk by people daily never saying a word to them. Often times I find myself wondering what a persons' life must be like: imagining how their voice must sound, what they like, who they love, and what drives them. All of my questions could be answered with a simple gesture..by saying hello. I don't know about you, but the thought of having someone reject my gesture of hello by either ignoring me or choosing not to respond has kept me in many cases from venturing out to have my questions of character answered. When I go to radiation, I keep to myself only communicating with my "machine team" and radiation oncologist. I have made it a habit to avoid my urges to have my character questions answered not because the other patients don't want to be bothered, but because my own insecurities surface when I enter the building. The only conversations that I have held with other patients have been as a result of them engaging in conversation with me. I can't help but to think that they had the same if not more "questions of character" for me and the insecurities that I let stop me, did not hinder them from connecting with another human being.


Last Thursday as I sat in the waiting room, a young lady walked in to meet the other members of her family. As she approached, I noticed that she gave me a second glance after the initial one. Her family eager to leave, she walked over to me and said hello. I looked at her and said hello back and as I did, she handed me several pieces of paper and told me to have a good day. I accepted the papers and thanked her. When I looked down, I realized that what she had given me was "life". That perfect stranger had given me a handout that consisted of a prayer and scriptures for healing. What an amazing gift to give to someone sitting in a hospital waiting room. This perfect stranger had no idea why I was there, but she put aside all of her insecurities and fear of rejection to bless me. That experience provided me with an unimaginable lesson in humility.

I wanted to share that experience with all of you because what that perfect stranger did was a true act of Christian love . How many of us would have taken that step to bless someone else without being asked? There are people in the church that won't even speak to others, much less hand them a tool necessary for their healing. It is imperative that we mature in our Christian experience, by demonstrating acts of kindness towards others:believers and unbelievers alike. You never know whose soul may be saved as a result of your actions.

To My Perfect Stranger:
It is my prayer that God bless you and your family triple that of what you have blessed me with. I pray that every scripture that you handed me comes alive in your life and that healing manifest in your life and the lives of those around you. I pray that you prosper even as your soul prospers. I believe with you that God can change things and people and because of you, I am forever changed for the better. Be Blessed.

Radioactive Pt. 2.5!!!

Unspeakable speaks:
You asked..well here it is. This is what the machine used to give radiation looks like. There are different variations of this machine used to administer the external beam radiation therapy.



What is external beam radiation therapy?
Glad you asked.... External beam radiation therapy comes from a machine that aims radiation at your cancer. The machine is large and may be noisy (sounds like you getting a tattoo..but 2x's louder...my opinion). It does not touch you , but rotates around you, sending radiation to your body from many directions. External beam radiation therapy is a local treatment, meaning that the radiation is aimed only at a specific part of your body. For example, if you have lung cancer, you will get radiation to your chest only and not the rest of your body.


For the First timers.....what you should look forward to:
What happens before your first external beam radiation treatment?
You will have a 1-2 hour meeting with your doctor or nurse before you begin radiation therapy. At this time, you will have a physical exam, talk about your medical history and maybe imaging tests. Your doctor or nurse will discuss with you external beam radiation therapy, its benefits and side effects, and ways you can care for yourself during and after treatment. You can then choose whether to have external beam radiation therapy.

If you agree to have external beam radiation therapy, you will be scheduled for a treatment planning session called a simulation. At this time:

• A radiation oncologist and radiation therapist will define your treatment area (also called a treatment port or preferably treatment field.) This refers to the places in your body that will get radiation. You will be asked to lie very still while x-rays or scans are taken to define the treatment area.

• The radiation therapist will then put small marks (tattoos or dots of colored ink) on your skin to mark the treatment area. You will need these marks throughout the course of radiation therapy. The radiation therapist will use them each day to make sure you are in the correct position. Tattoos are about the size of a freckle and will remain on your skin for the rest of your life. Ink markings will fade over time. Be careful not to remove them and make sure to tell the radiation therapist if they fade or lose color.
  

**** Information is courtesy of****
National Cancer Institute
Call 1-800-4-Cancer (800-422-6237)
www.cancer.gov

NH Publication No. 08-7157

Radioactive Pt. 2!!!

"There are no accidents, only nature throwing her weight around. Even the bomb merely releases energy that nature has put there. Nuclear war would be just a spark in the grandeur of space. Nor can radiation "alter" nature: she will absorb it all. After the bomb, nature will pick up the cards we have spilled, shuffle them, and begin her game again."

Camille Paglia

Unspeakable speaks:
In my last post, I spoke about my apprehension concerning getting radiation therapy and how I had to adopt a selfless attitude to the process and move forward. I am now in my third week of radiation treatments and to tell you the truth it isn't that bad despite my feelings towards it. Because of my love for quotes, I felt like the quote above was applicable to my posts on radiation. My interpretation of this quote is simply this, "We don't control anything, despite our efforts." We are given life along with its' gifts, people, passions, pains, and stresses; what we do with it is our responsibility. The rest is up to God (even though this quote refers to mother nature...He directs her too)! The responsibility that rests with us is to live healthy lives from the point of enlightenment forward. This blog is just a tool to help you maintain a positive perspective about the cancer experience and abandon any "radioactive" or cancerous mindsets. If you have been diagnosed with cancer, It is "your" experience and one that can either make you stronger and resilient or fearful and weak.

As I mature, I realize that the more educated that I am on a subject, the less fearful I am of it. Education is power. With that being said, I have put together a little fact list from Duke University Hospital for those interested in what radiation is like. Please take the opportunity to educate and empower yourselves. I did.

What is radiation therapy?
a cancer treatment that uses high does of radiation to kill cancer cells and stop them from spreading. At low doses, radiation is used as an x-ray to see inside your body and take pictures, such as x-rays of your teeth or broken bones. Radiation used in cancer treatments works in much the same way, except that it is given at higher doses.
How is radiation given?
Radiation therapy can be external beam (when a machine outside your body aims radiation at cancer cells) or internal (when radiation is put inside your body, in or near the cancer cells). Sometimes people get both forms of radiation therapy.
*** I receive external beam radiation so therefore much of the information given will be centered around that method.***

What does radiation do to cancer cells?
Given in high doses, radiation kills or slows the growth of cancer cells.

How long does radiation therapy take to work?
Radiation therapy does not kill cancer cells right away. It takes days or weeks of treatment before cancer cells start to die. Then, cancer cells keep dying for weeks or months after radiation therapy ends.

What does radiation therapy do to healthy cells?
Radiation not only kills or slows the growth of cancer cells, it can also affect nearby healthy cells. The healthy cells almost always recover after treatment is over. But sometimes people may have side effects that do not get better or are severe.

Does radiation therapy hurt?

No, radiation therapy does not hurt while it is being given. But the side effects that people may get from radiation therapy can cause pain or discomfort.

****Source of Information is courtesy of****

National Cancer Institute

Call 1-800-4-CANCER (800-422-6237)

www.cancer.gov

NH Publication No. 08-7157

Radioactive!!!

Unspeakable Speaks:

Today is my first day of radiation and I am not looking forward to it at all. I find it hard to maintain a positive attitude about this part of the process. I have not prayed about it as thoroughly as I did for the chemotherapy and the mastectomy. For the life of me, I find it hard to grasp the concept of having radiation as a means of healing my body from cancer. There has got to be a better way. I know most of you are saying to yourselves, "Well Joye, you have gone through the hardest part of the treatment with flying colors, this should be a walk in the park!" Well people, quite frankly, I don't want to go through this process anymore. I am tired and coming out of that surgery, has not been as easy as it may appear. I have had a little over a month to heal and I am still tired from all of the "so called medicines", poking, and severing that I have undergone in the past nine months. When is this going to be over, I ask myself?! I can easily see how people who have been diagnosed with Cancer, give up. The thing about it is that I don't have the "luxury" because I have too much to live for. I realized that this process had very little to do with me, but rather what the process represented...which is total and complete healing. So if I have to continue to get "radiated" for the ultimate benefit of others...SO BE IT! I will no longer allow myself to be selfish and self consumed for my own benefit. I guess it's time for me to abandon my "radioactive" mentality as I go into radiation......Here we go!

The BRCA Gene....Cancer Anyone???

Unspeakable Speaks.....

Cancer Anyone???
Alright, now that I have given you a small taste of where my mind is, it's now time to discuss the details of my diagnosis. Those of you that know me personally or have read the first few posts on this blog are fully aware that my mother was also diagnosed with breast cancer and passed away. What you may not know is that her mother before her was diagnosed with breast cancer and also died. I have several aunts from my maternal side of the family that have been diagnosed and died with ovarian cancer and colon cancer. I have one aunt who remains that was diagnosed with breast cancer at an early stage, but who beat it through mastectomy.My maternal grandfather died from prostate cancer within 6 months of my mother and aunt. Needless to say, Cancer has had it's reign in my family life for quite some time. Once I was diagnosed, I was determined to put a stop to this generational curse through prayer, education, and preventative procedures. In doing so, I was encouraged by my oncologist and surgeon to undergo genetic testing. The genetics test consists of a questionnaire that will target the family health history, origins, and identifies parallels with other BRCA gene carriers. After which your DNA has to be tested either through a blood or saliva test. It sounds more gruesome than it actually is. The process as a whole typically takes about an hour and a half. There are a few genetic tests that the counselors can use and some times these tests are dictated by your insurance. Which brings me to an interesting point..Insurance.....Pay Close Attention to this:It is my recommendation that you get and secure your life insurance policy prior to get this genetic test done, so that you are not red flagged and unable to provide for your family in the event that something happens. If you take this test pre-diagnosis, you will meet great difficulty trying to secure a life insurance policy. However, if you take the test post diagnosis, it becomes another part of the procedure in your health protocol, should you decide to complete it. Make sure that all of your basis are covered, prior to making a move, so that you are not adversely affected.

What is the Cancer Gene??

“BRCA1 and BRCA2 are human genes (inherited factors) that, when working correctly, prevent cells from growing out of control and becoming cancerous. When someone has inherited a mutation in the gene, it doesn’t work correctly. They are then more likely to develop certain types of cancer during their lifetime (mainly breast and ovarian for women, and prostate and breast for men).” You can read more about the BRCA genes by pasting the links below in your browser. The part of the American population that possess this gene, represent approximately 5-6%, and that statistic decreases even further for women of African American decent. So needless to say, it's no joke and something that needs to be handled quickly to ensure that you have the proper care at the proper time.

What was my diagnosis??

My results were the following: After undergoing treatment for the first breast cancer, I had a 30% chance of contracting a secondary breast cancer in the left breast after 3 years. Afterwards, I would then have a 70% chance of contracting ovarian cancer, within 5 years, which would ultimately lead to my demise. In layman's terms...I am dead at age 38 from multiple cancers as a result of having the BRCA gene.

What did I do??

Once it was confirmed that I possessed this gene, it became evident that I needed to educate other members of my family that they needed to look out for the pre-cursors and take their health seriously and get regular checks. I sent them emails informing them and made arrangements for the genetic counselor to be available to discuss the details with them. If you have been tested and confirmed as having the BRCA gene, it is important that you not keep that information to yourself. Protect your family by informing them of the facts and encourage them to seek a professional that can walk them through the process effectively. Personal, I began my quest to "break the mold" that was given to me and dictate to it, God's plan for my life...which simply is, "Life and that more abundantly." I truly believe that, "The number of my days, God will fulfill," however long that may be. In the meantime, I will touch lives, while I am here....the rest is up to God.

Now What???

Having the BRCA gene is not a death sentence!! All it means is that you have to live your life as healthy as possible in mind, body, and spirit. Reality teaches us that you can be physically fit and still die from internal complications. What I realized during this process and what I want you reading this to realize is that what happens to your body is often a manifestation of what is present in your spirit. Sickness manifests only after you have been sick in your mind and spirit and done nothing about it. We all have a predisposition for something, whether it is greed, lust, slothfulness, pride, hatred, alcoholism, addiction, or racism, but it doesn't have to rule our lives. Just imagine the power that you could possess if you ruled it? Imagine.

Interesting reading about the BRCA gene can be found on the following websites: Copy and paste into your browser.

• www.cancer.gov
• http://press.nci.nih.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA/print?page=&keyword=#r11
  

Finding Strength in the Storm......The Beginning

True Security...
*****************************************
Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found.
~Anne Morrow Lindbergh~
*****************************************
Don't fear change, when the thing to really fear is becoming stagnant, and not continuing to grow and develop into all that you can be. Every new experience, whether it be positive or negative, serves to develop deeper understanding, improve our abilities, and mature our character. Embrace the process, and allow it to bring out the best in you...for if instead, you shrink from it, you will only end up spending life in disappointment and unfulfillment.

Unspeakable speaks.......
Prior to being diagnosed with Cancer, I was stagnant. I had no idea where my life was headed, I had a plethora of dreams and visions, but would not stick with the process long enough to see it through. The one thing that I had a strong grasp on was my spirituality and my belief that God could and can do absolutely anything. I remember doing my devotion one day last year, when I had a divine appointment (a moment when the spirit of God makes my vision crystal clear), and God told me that my life was going to change drastically and to move forward because my heart was pure. I had no idea, that this is what He meant. I was waiting for my business to take off, my knight in shining armor to magically appear and whisk me away, my daughter to have a miraculous love for school, you know the fairytale. Well, clearly judging by the way things turned out, that was not what He meant. What He meant was that, " my life was going to change for the better, through trials, tribulations, sickness and disease, and adversity. It was not going to be easy, but it was going to be what I needed to move past where I was....stagnant." Why, you may ask...."because my heart is pure." God knew that if I was thrust into a situation where my back was against the wall and there was going to be constant uncontrollable change, that I would lean into it, believing in Him. There was never any doubt in my mind, that I was not going to be healed, it was only a matter of time. On "D-Day" (diagnosis day, as most cancer patients call it), I was in Newark, Delaware at Christiana Hospital, when I was met with 8 people that I did not know, ranging from Surgeons to Psychologists, spitting out medical terms that I had never heard before like invasive adenocarcinoma and lymphadenopathy. Alone in that room I was told that I had stage 3 breast cancer and that instead of me planning the next wedding or special event, I would be planning chemotherapy appointments. I had to make a decision at that point, on whether or not I was going to remain stagnant or embrace the process by which my life would be changed beyond recognition from where it once was. What you are reading now is a product of that decision. Your strength can be developed like never before in the midst of the hardest situations. It is the belief that you can win that spurs you into action to pursue the healing and deliverance that you need. Going forward, requires a steady devotion to the fulfillment of your life's purpose, and may require you to face the storm head on and it will be you that decides which way the tide will turn.......what will you do shrink back to mediocrity or rise up to your full potential?? Which ever you choose remember it marks the beginning.




Read this to give you perspective:
THEREFORE LET us go on and get past the elementary stage in the teachings and doctrine of Christ (the Messiah), advancing steadily toward the completeness and perfection that belong to spiritual maturity...For the soil which has drunk the rain that repeatedly falls upon it and produces vegetation useful to those for whose benefit it is cultivated, partakes of a blessing from God. But if [that same soil] persistently bears thorns and thistles, it is considered worthless and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned. But we do [strongly and earnestly] desire for each of you to show the same diligence and sincerity [all the way through] in realizing and enjoying the full assurance and development of [your] hope until the end, In order that you may not grow disinterested and become [spiritual] sluggards, but imitators, behaving as do those who through faith by their leaning of the entire personality on God in Christ in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness) and by practice of patient endurance and waiting are [now] inheriting the promises
~Hebrews 6:1, 7,8,11,12 (Amp)~


The highlighted portions of this post come from a devotional that I receive daily, the author unknown but extremely profound. Enjoy!

Pushing past the pain........

Unspeakable Speaks..........
This upcoming Tuesday will mark two weeks since I had surgery. Although, I meant for this blog to be uplifting, encouraging, and educational for those who may find themselves or their loved ones in a situation similar to this, I find it empowering as well to share with you my physical journey. For the most part, I have always had a high tolerance for pain, preferring to endure rather than to medicate but this is not one of those moments. From the time that I woke up from surgery, I have been in an intense pain that words can not describe. As I showed you in the diagram in the previous post (Circumcision), I had both of my breast removed. The malignant tumors were found in my right breast and in the lymph nodes under the right arm. I had the left breast removed as a precautionary measure due to the fact that I possess the "cancer gene" that could potentially give me a secondary breast cancer, ovarian and uterian cancer. During the mastectomy, my surgeon removed 27 lymph nodes under my right arm (all of which were benign, praise the Lord!!) along with my breasts. Three drains (jackson pratts) have been placed in a slits underneath the surgical site to suction and drain excess fluids and blood to avoid fluid in my lungs. The area previously occupied by my breasts are now just stitches across the chest. The drains are more painful than my chest. I have been prescribed tylenol and percocet to chase away the pain. Well people, it doesn't and if any of you have ever taken pain killers, you know that it just takes the edge off, but never really kills the pain. I have always slept on my sides, so now that I have these new apparatus' attached to me, sleeping has been very difficult. I have gotten so accustomed to taking pain meds that I am popping them like candy. This morning, I was nauseous from taking my medicine in the middle of the night without food. Due to the fact that I am on a narcotic, I am not permitted to drive. So needless to say, I have been enjoying traveling from my bedroom to the living room since I have been able to walk without collapsing. Now to you out there, it sounds terrible, and the truth is ......IT's TERRIBLE!!! I wish I could write you some deep super spiritual thought provoking post, but this has been my reality for the past week. The best part is that earlier this week, while doing my devotion, it was revealed to me that once I see all that is accomplished by my pain, I will be satisfied. After reading that, I thought back to all that has transpired during this journey, the people that have been saved, the relationships that have been healed, the success of the events planned, and the change of heart that I have had. Thinking on all of that makes the pain worth it but what's the most exciting, is that He's not done with me yet. Until He releases me I will continue to push past the the pain to my promise!


Read for yourself: Isaiah 53:10-11
For it was the Lord's good plan to crush him and fill him with grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have a multitude of children, many heirs. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord's plan will prosper in his hands. When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied......

Heal Yourself.......

"Before healing others, heal yourself"

Author Unknown

Unspeakable speaks........

When I saw this quote, I knew that I had to write about this and I looked all over for a picture that captured the very essence of this statement. I found it. Look at the face of the woman in this picture, she is at peace, and confident in her healing. Today I went for my first week post- operation appointment, to meet up with my surgeon to discuss his findings during surgery. When I walked in to the clinic, I was met by my exercise coordinator, who ran up and gave me a huge hug and said, "wow, you look phenomenal!" As I proceeded to the check-in desk, I was met with my nurse, who came out and gave me a big hug. Still feeling sore, I reached over and accepted the hug, when she whispered in my ear," You are such an inspiration." All through out this process, I have had a variety of people tell me that I inspired them, but this experience was altogether different. When I saw my oncologist and surgeon, both of them were so excited to tell me the news, "You have no more cancer in your body, you are 100% healed of cancer!!" While they were scratching their heads, I was onto the next thing, interceding for those around me. I had already prayed, expected God to heal, praised Him for my healing, received it and moved forward in my healing. When this process first began, I prayed that others would be healed as a result of my experience and that God's name would be glorified. Well look everyone, it has happened, exactly as I prayed it! God heard my prayers and honored them based on my faith. Now that He has brought me through this process, I can trust that He can handle anything in life that I am faced with. The truth of the matter is that my healing was there all along. God provided me with healing power when He died on the cross, it was up to me to apply that power to my life. I'll tell you a secret, I looked up every scripture in the bible about healing and I spent the first month of my diagnosis, allowing that to consume my mind. The irony of it, was that the same scriptures that administered healing in my life from cancer, healed the various "life circumstances" that my friends and family were experiencing. So we all got healed, for the price of one! Understand that there is nothing too hard for God, but He wants to use you to not only heal yourself but others that come into contact with you, for the glory of His name. Heal yourself.....by adopting the word of God as the focal point of your perspective, speaking the word over your life, and expecting your healing by walking in your healing. I was confident that I could heal myself by the power of God, and I was right. I am healed and you can be too, remember whatever situation that threatens your well being is "cancer" waiting to erode you from the inside out. It is up to you to do "self- examinations," and identify the cause and effects of the defeated areas of your life. It is in these areas that you will experience the true power of healing. Heal your relationship with God, your family and friends, your marriage, your finances, your heart, feelings and emotions, your body and yourself......It is this healing power that has the ability to touch the lives of those around you and prepare you for great exploits!

The Circumcision

Unspeakable speaks......
I have been talking about the bilateral mastectomy that took place on Tuesday. Well I decided to take this opportunity to educate those that are not familiar with what a mastectomy looks like. So I have attached a diagram for those of you that are visual. Please review the picture to the left.
The spots indicated by the green are your lymph nodes, and obviously, the pink portion is the breast. This is a simple mastectomy, if you conduct this procedure on the other breast, it would accurately illustrate the procedure that I will underwent earlier this week. I want to make this next point, absolutely clear. "Every breast cancer case is different." If you have friends or family that have breast cancer, based on their situation, they may or may not have to undergo a procedure of this magnitude. But for me it was absolutely necessary.
Because I was diagnosed with stage three (3) breast cancer, which means that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes, and I was able to physically feel the cancer in my body. It was necessary to do a surgery to remove the lymph nodes that had been previously infected, to eliminate the risk of the cancer spreading to other areas of my body. My decision to remove my breasts was based on several reasons. The first being that it has been discovered that I was born with the "cancer gene"or also known as a BRCA gene (we will get into this more in another post). The second reason, is that based on the fact that I have the "cancer gene," I would be at risk for secondary and third cancers in my breast, ovaries, and uterus, all which will have to be removed within the next year. Thirdly, I don't want to have to revisit this experience ever again.....I know that I said it has been a good experience, in that I have matured through it. But the reality is that this is not an easy experience, and once this is over, I want it to be over!

After my bilateral mastectomy, I will take a few weeks to heal. Next week, I will meet with my surgeon (who is absolutely phenomenal) to get the okay to move forward with radiation. Once I receive the "go ahead" from my surgeon, I will begin radiation for 5-6 weeks to kill off any "deadly cells" that they may have missed in the mastectomy. This will complete the oncology "protocol" that I was given in an effort to heal me from breast cancer.

Solitude

“One can acquire everything in solitude - except character.”
Stendhal


Unspeakable speaks........


Today I spent most of my day in solitude. I woke up and prayed, read the bible, and did the few things that I had on my agenda. From the moment that I turned on the radio, I heard songs about life, healing, joy, and strength. All though I wasn't hearing the audible voice of God speaking to me, His spirit was definitely orchestrating the sound track of my circumstances. I spent the last few hours of my day at my mothers' grave. As I approached the grave site, I found myself at a loss of words. "Why am I here," I thought to myself. The last time that I came to her grave, I was telling her that my fate would not be the same as hers. I told her that my daughter would not experience the same hurt and pain from losing a mother. I thought that I had said all of my goodbyes and I was done with this. So as I looked up into the sky, I belted out and spoke, "Well Mom, it's really about to go down!" "I'm really going to do this Mom," I said, as I shook my head in disbelief that it was even my experience to begin with. I continued to speak to my mothers grave as if she was in her old rocking chair with her raggedy night gown, peering at me with her deep sultry eyes. I told her that this next step is a stretch for me, but for some reason I am confident in God's ability to bring me out victoriously on the other side and not just to "get me through". As I got ready to walk away from my mothers' grave, I told her that I loved her. It was almost like a ton of bricks dropped from my neck. I had not told my mother that I loved her before she died, and for years that had been a weight on me that I could not bear, so I would shut down in depression, every time I thought about it. This was a different experience, this time when I said those words, it was like I became a new and complete person. I had made peace with my past. Now as I moved closer to my "defining moment" I could go forward with a clear conscience and courage to face the unknown future ahead. A peace that I can not describe flowed through me and at that moment I knew that this next phase of my life was going to be "BIG."
There is power in facing those things that have held you back in life. But before you go off "popping your collar" make sure that you consult God on your approach. Sometimes we have to mature in our thinking before we face the "strongholds," that caused the pain. When God puts you in this place, be thankful despite how much it hurts, because He is healing you from within. It's time that we face the source of our pain and not just treat the symptoms that result from it.It was my day in solitude that brought the most healing to my heart. Eliminate all that is distracting you, shut it all down and cease being a slave to your life and listen to the spirit of God as He ministers to you. Stop hiding behind your job, family, ministry, and ambitions and let God direct your paths. It is in this solitude that you will experience the true peace of God as he moves you from slavery to destiny.

If she can, so can I.........my defining moment

Applegate undergoes double mastectomy

Christina Applegate is interviewed by Robin Roberts on ABC's Good Morning America in New York.Photo: Reuters
Advertisement
August 20, 2008 - 12:50PM
American actor Christina Applegate says she underwent a double mastectomy after being diagnosed with breast cancer.
Applegate, who has now been given the all-clear by doctors, said having the surgery three weeks ago was a tough decision.
But the 36-year-old opted for the drastic procedure rather than having to undergo other longer-term treatments.
"My decision, after looking at all the treatment plans that were possibilities for me, the only one that seemed the most logical and the one that was going to work for me was to have a bilateral mastectomy," Applegate told Good Morning America in an interview aired today.
"I didn't want to go back to the doctors every four months for testing and squishing and everything.
"I just wanted to kind of get rid of this whole thing for me.
"This was the choice that I made and it was a tough one."
Applegate, the star of Samantha Who? which aired in Australia on the Seven Network, says she's now been given a clean bill of health by doctors and will undergo breast reconstruction surgery over the next eight month.
She said the emotional toll has been heavy.
"Sometimes, you know, I cry. And sometimes I scream. And I get really angry. And I get really upset, you know, into wallowing in self-pity sometimes. And I think that it's all part of the healing," she said.
The actor's publicist, Ame Van Iden, announced earlier this month that Applegate was being treated for the disease after it was detected through a doctor-ordered MRI.
"I was so mad," she told GMA about her diagnosis.
"I was just shaking and - and then also immediately, I had to go into ... take-care-of-business-mode, which was ... I asked them, 'What do I do now? What - what is it that I do? I get a doctor, I get a surgeon, I get an oncologist? What do I do?'."
She now follows a healthy diet of fish, grains, beans and vegetables, and avoids processed foods.
The actor, whose mother Nancy Priddy has repeatedly battled breast cancer, said she began getting mammograms at the age of 30.
She is optimistic about her future.
"You know, I really love living and I really love my life. I knew from this moment on, it was only going to be good and that was going to be coming," she said.
"Yeah, I'm going to face challenges, but you can't get any darker than where I've been. So, just knowing that in my soul gave me the strength to just say, 'I've got to - I have to get out there and - and make this positive.
"And you know, I'm going to have cute boobs till I'm 90."

Unspeakable speaks...........

It is so refreshing to hear the stories of others that are faced with similar situations as ours. It is in the testimonies of others that we find the strength to move forward in our own lives and circumstances. When reading this story about Christina Applegate, I saw a lot of myself in her interview. But what caught my attention the most were our differences. At no point during my journey was I angry. There was no "God, why me" syndrome. It is my belief that in all of our lives, we have "defining moments," that usher us into our destiny. These moments are usually hard and marked by insurmountable odds, that stretch us far beyond anything that we have ever experienced before. When this happens, It is counter productive to get angry, why you may ask.............because this is an opportunity to stretch your faith, develop your character, learn how to endure, and to be persistant in achieving your dreams. If you are angry, how can you grasp the lesson that is being taught in the midst of your hardship? Don't get me wrong, it is an extremely hard situation to stomach, when your life is being threatened by a silent killer that snuffed up on you when you weren't looking. But what I want you to realize is that before that even happens, you have a choice. You have a choice to make up your mind before the storm even comes. The cliche that says, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," is absolutely right. Every trial and tribulation that you and I encounter builds us up for our "defining moments" in life. Take the time to dig deep within yourself and examine all of the major turning points in your life and trace the decisions that you made during those times. Did those decisions lead you to this place? Are you at a crossroads, where things are so hard and you have your back up against a wall? Is God the only one that can turn your situation around? If so, I submit to you that this is one of those defining moments that He is using to usher you into your destiny. The decisions and choices that you make at this particular moment are critical to your fulfillment. Don't get angry, don't complain, but thank God for the opportunity to trust in him more, thank Him for not being a respecter of persons and showing you beacons of hope in others, and most of thank Him for having enough faith in you as His child to place this opportunity in your path. It's your "defining moment," what are you going to do with it??

Confidence

Confidence and courage come through preparation and practice.

Author Unknown


Unspeakable Speaks:
When I was young, my mother always told me that, "practice makes perfect." It wasn't until now that I understand the words that she spoke. Many of you may not know this and I will expound upon this more at a later date, but my mother passed away from breast cancer 18 years ago. I was 11 years old. It is not by accident that the past that shaped and molded my childhood has come back to face off with me.....when my daughter is now 11.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, the same silent killer of my mother, it wasn't hard to identify that unless I take action my fate would be much like hers. I was then and I am still determined to not just fight cancer, but to conquer and crush it, so that the curse does not reach my daughter. Realizing that I was going to have to depend heavily on my faith to get me through made all of the difference. When I told my family about the diagnosis, I made one statement that followed, "I will live and not die; this curse will not touch the rest of my family and out of this I pray that I be healed and those around me experience healing as well."

What I can tell you with absolute certainty is that I have "beat the hell out of this breast cancer." But as I told you before, there were several other "cancers" that were present and led me to this place. Beating breast cancer was just the first step in my journey. It was my practice for the real war, which is taking place within my own mind and soul. If I would have walked into this battle without being prepared, I would not have survived the first treatment. As I pressed forward, I gained the confidence necessary for the battle. There were definitely times that I didn't have the strength, but I was confident that I could pray for help, and God himself would hear me. It was in those times that I pushed past my own fears and despair and I took the word that God gave me and I acted on it .

Because I am willing to follow the word that I received from God and not trust in man (Proverbs 118:8-9), I gain the confidence and courage to move forward, and conquer other areas of my life and the "cancers of my past". Think about where you are right now and examine how much time and energy you are putting into where you are "called by God" to be. If you are spending the majority of your time complaining about where you are, you are misusing valuable time to prepare for your future. When your future comes you will miss opportunities, because you did not trust the process. Be flexible and let God move and direct your paths as He sees fit. Yes, it is easier said than done....but remember, practice makes His will perfect in you!

5

No destination in sight, only optimism was ahead.
Was excited about where this road may have led.
I chose my own path, faced my own fears.
Made my own mistakes, shed my own tears.
Smiled my own smiles that radiated so bright.
Walked into a room and immediately shed light.
One track at time, my footsteps now take.
Because I’ve learned to make less mistakes.
A long voyage ahead, no turning back.
With each new adventure, I cross new tracks.
Yesterday is today. Tomorrow is gone.

I will not face tomorrow alone.

Tanya Bryant (my friend)

Unspeakable speaks.......

It's five days until I have both of my breasts cut off. The medical terminology is bilateral mastectomy. How do I feel you may ask...... I think that the picture above says it all. There appears to be a storm gathering ahead, I can only see in front of me but not in the distance. My path seems to be leading me to the right, when I thought I was suppose to be going straight. I'm not too sure about anything once I approach the the trees......But what I do know is that I have a promise from a faithful God. That I'm not alone. There are numerous verses in the bible that talk about healing, but none of them say anything about how to handle the emotions behind getting a mastectomy. But there are scriptures about being circumcised.....This is my circumcision.

Circumcision in my perspective (based on my limited research) simply means, "a cutting away of that which is harmful." The definition according to dictionary.com, means spiritual purification;or to cut around. The practice was established by God to identify his chosen people, an abiding sign of their consecration to Him. Now follow my train of thought closely. I am referring to being circumcised from a "spiritual, emotional, and intellectual aspect rather than a physical." What this means, is that I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:12 for all you bible readers out there) and in an effort to do so completely, the areas that housed all of my filth must be severed so that I can be set aside for God's highest and best use.

With that perspective, I realize that the mastectomy is just the manifestation of what God has already done in the spiritual realm. I am healed, delivered and set free from all of the cancer that I allowed to grow inside of my spirit, mind, and my body (in that exact order). It is now that those areas that have been identified as cancerous, must be consecrated and set aside for God to do "His thang" in my life. Allow me to manage your expectations in this area, this process is not void of pain. It is painful to sever a piece of yourself that you were born with (or have held onto), but what is most painful is the stretch in faith that it takes to come to the resolve that you trust God enough to make the incision anyway, not knowing what awaits you on the other side. This is what faith is all about. Faith is not blind at all, it sees what God sees and when it can't see that, it says, "God, in you I put my trust."

Now, here is the lesson for me and all of you out there reading this. This life will pass away before your eyes, it is your responsibility to take the lessons learned, the experience of the road you have traveled, the education that you have acquired, and the faith that you have amassed and make it count. Understanding that every decision that you make can impact your life and the lives of those around you positively or negatively. Identify and deal with your cancer, don't hide from it, because it will confront you at the most inconvenient time. It's time for your life to begin, it's time for you to get out of that box that you have turned into a home and run after your future of dreams, visions and possibilities. Circumcise yourself and your areas of defeat and victory, so that your life will be a monument for God to be exalted and you to be fulfilled. Or hold onto your cancer and allow it to kill you......You decide. But mine is being cut off in 5.

**Special Note(s):

• The number five (5) represents the number of Grace.
• Inspiration comes from everywhere, I have been blessed to be surrounded by family and friends that inspire me, the poem above was written by one of my oldest friends, Tanya Bryant. "Thank you Tanya for your support, and your inspiration - Love you." To read more of Tanya's thoughts, visit http://www.mstee.tumblr.com/.

Expectations

Reexamine all that you have been told in school, or in church or in any book. Dismiss whatever insults your soul.

Walt Whitman

Unspeakable Speaks....
I thought it would be important for me to manage your expectations of this blog. This blog was created in order for me to share with the masses my experience during my journey. In order for you to get out of this blog what is intended, I urge you to step away from forming your own opinions about my situation, until you have experienced it on your own. There may be some very personal revelations and insights shared with you as you continue to read, keep in mind I am a person like you and despite what you may or may not think about me as a person, there is wisdom and truth behind what I am saying.

I am an intense and bold individual, so naturally I speak and write the same way. I love to be able to articulate how and what I am feeling, but most importantly the lesson behind it to help someone else. Understand that is all this is. This blog is to show others how I was able to "Make up my mind to be more than I was."But most importantly, how to identify the "cancerous mindsets" of life and how to overcome them. If your education, religion, or even your childhood has taught you to be complacent or comfortable where you are and there is no growth, you will be deeply disturbed by my words. But if your soul agrees with what I am saying, it's worth investigating. I challenge you to dig deep to find the inner strength, necessary to make your life worthy of your calling. Time is of the essence..........

The origin of Unspeakable...

An Agent For Change...


New ideas stir from every corner. They show up disguised innocently as interruptions, contradictions and embarrassing dilemmas. Beware of total strangers and friends alike who shower you with comfortable sameness, and remain open to those who make you uneasy, for they are the true messengers of the future. ~Rob Lebow~


Turmoil, discomfort and a hunger for something more, are most often the agents of change and growth. Rather than fearing those things that challenge, bewilder or oppose us, what we should truly fear is developing a sense of comfort, satisfaction and complacency with regard to where we are. Look for the lessons to be learned, and the opportunities inherent in every difficult circumstance...they are indeed fertile soil, in which the seeds of new perceptions, ideas and invention can begin to grow and flourish.



Unspeakable speaks........

This was my daily devotional from this morning. It was so profound, that I decided to share it with you. Today I made the decision to share with you my very intimate journey to healing through cancer. In so many instances, when we hear that someone has cancer, we immediately write them a death certificate. I was the same way until.....I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. At that moment I had to make a decision, to choose life or death for myself, and I choose life.

I have told everyone that I have come into contact with that being diagnosed with cancer has been the best thing that has happened in my life. I am sure you are asking me why ......glad you asked! It has always been my belief that God uses the worst situations to teach the most profound lessons (like it states in the devotion above). Having breast cancer, shed light on all the other areas of my life that were "cancerous" that needed to be healed. There were relationships, finances, feelings, etc. that needed to be dealt with that I turned a blind eye to while I was healthy and had the energy, time and resources to fix that I just didn't do anything about. Those things grew out of control (much like a tumor) and began to threaten my very life (do you see the likeness now?). The only decision that really needed to be made was whether or not I was going to allow this cancer to KILL me (in every sense of the word) or was I going to KILL it?


The way to conquer a situation is not to lie down and feel sorry for yourself. To conquer your situation you must do ONE main thing.......Make up your mind! For me this meant that I had to pray first to receive specific direction and whatever direction I was given is what I used as my guide. Then I educated myself about cancer and I took an aggressive approach to fighting it (if you educate yourself about what is trying to kill you, you take away the fear factor), and then I applied my education to my life wisely (sometimes education has to take a back seat to faith, you have be able to know how to identify this early). After all of this I gave thanks for the opportunity to be in this position, because I understood early on that in order for me to go to the next level, I had to conquer where I was.

I am now an agent for change, but most importantly life. I speak life in every situation and it is my hope that as a result of me being diagnosed with cancer and being transparent enough to share my story, people are healed (in every sense of the word) through me for the glory of God...the true healer.