5

No destination in sight, only optimism was ahead.
Was excited about where this road may have led.
I chose my own path, faced my own fears.
Made my own mistakes, shed my own tears.
Smiled my own smiles that radiated so bright.
Walked into a room and immediately shed light.
One track at time, my footsteps now take.
Because I’ve learned to make less mistakes.
A long voyage ahead, no turning back.
With each new adventure, I cross new tracks.
Yesterday is today. Tomorrow is gone.

I will not face tomorrow alone.

Tanya Bryant (my friend)

Unspeakable speaks.......

It's five days until I have both of my breasts cut off. The medical terminology is bilateral mastectomy. How do I feel you may ask...... I think that the picture above says it all. There appears to be a storm gathering ahead, I can only see in front of me but not in the distance. My path seems to be leading me to the right, when I thought I was suppose to be going straight. I'm not too sure about anything once I approach the the trees......But what I do know is that I have a promise from a faithful God. That I'm not alone. There are numerous verses in the bible that talk about healing, but none of them say anything about how to handle the emotions behind getting a mastectomy. But there are scriptures about being circumcised.....This is my circumcision.

Circumcision in my perspective (based on my limited research) simply means, "a cutting away of that which is harmful." The definition according to dictionary.com, means spiritual purification;or to cut around. The practice was established by God to identify his chosen people, an abiding sign of their consecration to Him. Now follow my train of thought closely. I am referring to being circumcised from a "spiritual, emotional, and intellectual aspect rather than a physical." What this means, is that I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:12 for all you bible readers out there) and in an effort to do so completely, the areas that housed all of my filth must be severed so that I can be set aside for God's highest and best use.

With that perspective, I realize that the mastectomy is just the manifestation of what God has already done in the spiritual realm. I am healed, delivered and set free from all of the cancer that I allowed to grow inside of my spirit, mind, and my body (in that exact order). It is now that those areas that have been identified as cancerous, must be consecrated and set aside for God to do "His thang" in my life. Allow me to manage your expectations in this area, this process is not void of pain. It is painful to sever a piece of yourself that you were born with (or have held onto), but what is most painful is the stretch in faith that it takes to come to the resolve that you trust God enough to make the incision anyway, not knowing what awaits you on the other side. This is what faith is all about. Faith is not blind at all, it sees what God sees and when it can't see that, it says, "God, in you I put my trust."

Now, here is the lesson for me and all of you out there reading this. This life will pass away before your eyes, it is your responsibility to take the lessons learned, the experience of the road you have traveled, the education that you have acquired, and the faith that you have amassed and make it count. Understanding that every decision that you make can impact your life and the lives of those around you positively or negatively. Identify and deal with your cancer, don't hide from it, because it will confront you at the most inconvenient time. It's time for your life to begin, it's time for you to get out of that box that you have turned into a home and run after your future of dreams, visions and possibilities. Circumcise yourself and your areas of defeat and victory, so that your life will be a monument for God to be exalted and you to be fulfilled. Or hold onto your cancer and allow it to kill you......You decide. But mine is being cut off in 5.

**Special Note(s):

• The number five (5) represents the number of Grace.
• Inspiration comes from everywhere, I have been blessed to be surrounded by family and friends that inspire me, the poem above was written by one of my oldest friends, Tanya Bryant. "Thank you Tanya for your support, and your inspiration - Love you." To read more of Tanya's thoughts, visit http://www.mstee.tumblr.com/.