5

No destination in sight, only optimism was ahead.
Was excited about where this road may have led.
I chose my own path, faced my own fears.
Made my own mistakes, shed my own tears.
Smiled my own smiles that radiated so bright.
Walked into a room and immediately shed light.
One track at time, my footsteps now take.
Because I’ve learned to make less mistakes.
A long voyage ahead, no turning back.
With each new adventure, I cross new tracks.
Yesterday is today. Tomorrow is gone.

I will not face tomorrow alone.

Tanya Bryant (my friend)

Unspeakable speaks.......

It's five days until I have both of my breasts cut off. The medical terminology is bilateral mastectomy. How do I feel you may ask...... I think that the picture above says it all. There appears to be a storm gathering ahead, I can only see in front of me but not in the distance. My path seems to be leading me to the right, when I thought I was suppose to be going straight. I'm not too sure about anything once I approach the the trees......But what I do know is that I have a promise from a faithful God. That I'm not alone. There are numerous verses in the bible that talk about healing, but none of them say anything about how to handle the emotions behind getting a mastectomy. But there are scriptures about being circumcised.....This is my circumcision.

Circumcision in my perspective (based on my limited research) simply means, "a cutting away of that which is harmful." The definition according to dictionary.com, means spiritual purification;or to cut around. The practice was established by God to identify his chosen people, an abiding sign of their consecration to Him. Now follow my train of thought closely. I am referring to being circumcised from a "spiritual, emotional, and intellectual aspect rather than a physical." What this means, is that I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:12 for all you bible readers out there) and in an effort to do so completely, the areas that housed all of my filth must be severed so that I can be set aside for God's highest and best use.

With that perspective, I realize that the mastectomy is just the manifestation of what God has already done in the spiritual realm. I am healed, delivered and set free from all of the cancer that I allowed to grow inside of my spirit, mind, and my body (in that exact order). It is now that those areas that have been identified as cancerous, must be consecrated and set aside for God to do "His thang" in my life. Allow me to manage your expectations in this area, this process is not void of pain. It is painful to sever a piece of yourself that you were born with (or have held onto), but what is most painful is the stretch in faith that it takes to come to the resolve that you trust God enough to make the incision anyway, not knowing what awaits you on the other side. This is what faith is all about. Faith is not blind at all, it sees what God sees and when it can't see that, it says, "God, in you I put my trust."

Now, here is the lesson for me and all of you out there reading this. This life will pass away before your eyes, it is your responsibility to take the lessons learned, the experience of the road you have traveled, the education that you have acquired, and the faith that you have amassed and make it count. Understanding that every decision that you make can impact your life and the lives of those around you positively or negatively. Identify and deal with your cancer, don't hide from it, because it will confront you at the most inconvenient time. It's time for your life to begin, it's time for you to get out of that box that you have turned into a home and run after your future of dreams, visions and possibilities. Circumcise yourself and your areas of defeat and victory, so that your life will be a monument for God to be exalted and you to be fulfilled. Or hold onto your cancer and allow it to kill you......You decide. But mine is being cut off in 5.

**Special Note(s):

• The number five (5) represents the number of Grace.
• Inspiration comes from everywhere, I have been blessed to be surrounded by family and friends that inspire me, the poem above was written by one of my oldest friends, Tanya Bryant. "Thank you Tanya for your support, and your inspiration - Love you." To read more of Tanya's thoughts, visit http://www.mstee.tumblr.com/.

Expectations

Reexamine all that you have been told in school, or in church or in any book. Dismiss whatever insults your soul.

Walt Whitman

Unspeakable Speaks....
I thought it would be important for me to manage your expectations of this blog. This blog was created in order for me to share with the masses my experience during my journey. In order for you to get out of this blog what is intended, I urge you to step away from forming your own opinions about my situation, until you have experienced it on your own. There may be some very personal revelations and insights shared with you as you continue to read, keep in mind I am a person like you and despite what you may or may not think about me as a person, there is wisdom and truth behind what I am saying.

I am an intense and bold individual, so naturally I speak and write the same way. I love to be able to articulate how and what I am feeling, but most importantly the lesson behind it to help someone else. Understand that is all this is. This blog is to show others how I was able to "Make up my mind to be more than I was."But most importantly, how to identify the "cancerous mindsets" of life and how to overcome them. If your education, religion, or even your childhood has taught you to be complacent or comfortable where you are and there is no growth, you will be deeply disturbed by my words. But if your soul agrees with what I am saying, it's worth investigating. I challenge you to dig deep to find the inner strength, necessary to make your life worthy of your calling. Time is of the essence..........

The origin of Unspeakable...

An Agent For Change...


New ideas stir from every corner. They show up disguised innocently as interruptions, contradictions and embarrassing dilemmas. Beware of total strangers and friends alike who shower you with comfortable sameness, and remain open to those who make you uneasy, for they are the true messengers of the future. ~Rob Lebow~


Turmoil, discomfort and a hunger for something more, are most often the agents of change and growth. Rather than fearing those things that challenge, bewilder or oppose us, what we should truly fear is developing a sense of comfort, satisfaction and complacency with regard to where we are. Look for the lessons to be learned, and the opportunities inherent in every difficult circumstance...they are indeed fertile soil, in which the seeds of new perceptions, ideas and invention can begin to grow and flourish.



Unspeakable speaks........

This was my daily devotional from this morning. It was so profound, that I decided to share it with you. Today I made the decision to share with you my very intimate journey to healing through cancer. In so many instances, when we hear that someone has cancer, we immediately write them a death certificate. I was the same way until.....I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. At that moment I had to make a decision, to choose life or death for myself, and I choose life.

I have told everyone that I have come into contact with that being diagnosed with cancer has been the best thing that has happened in my life. I am sure you are asking me why ......glad you asked! It has always been my belief that God uses the worst situations to teach the most profound lessons (like it states in the devotion above). Having breast cancer, shed light on all the other areas of my life that were "cancerous" that needed to be healed. There were relationships, finances, feelings, etc. that needed to be dealt with that I turned a blind eye to while I was healthy and had the energy, time and resources to fix that I just didn't do anything about. Those things grew out of control (much like a tumor) and began to threaten my very life (do you see the likeness now?). The only decision that really needed to be made was whether or not I was going to allow this cancer to KILL me (in every sense of the word) or was I going to KILL it?


The way to conquer a situation is not to lie down and feel sorry for yourself. To conquer your situation you must do ONE main thing.......Make up your mind! For me this meant that I had to pray first to receive specific direction and whatever direction I was given is what I used as my guide. Then I educated myself about cancer and I took an aggressive approach to fighting it (if you educate yourself about what is trying to kill you, you take away the fear factor), and then I applied my education to my life wisely (sometimes education has to take a back seat to faith, you have be able to know how to identify this early). After all of this I gave thanks for the opportunity to be in this position, because I understood early on that in order for me to go to the next level, I had to conquer where I was.

I am now an agent for change, but most importantly life. I speak life in every situation and it is my hope that as a result of me being diagnosed with cancer and being transparent enough to share my story, people are healed (in every sense of the word) through me for the glory of God...the true healer.